Running Away with random updates

As I cleaned up oatmeal off my kitchen floor this morning, being careful to get all the stuff stuck under the table legs so they didn't end up glued to the floor, I considered my morning activities thus far. Get woken up at unholy hours (anything where the birds are chirping so loudly that you can't get back to sleep despite how dark it is is considered unholy if it us thrust upon you without your consent, FYI), find the pacifier, wake up again, feed the baby, get breakfast, monitor screaming fights about who's picture is who's, reiterate that you cannot fix Lightening McQueen's battery case, but then give in to two year old logic that daddy can fix it when he gets home, put away the milk, put away the oatmeal, put away the cereal, clean up the popcorn remains from last night, yell that who ever wakes up the baby with their yelling has to finish the babies nap (secretly wishing that it could be me) and then get on hands and knees to scrub the oatmeal....After all this considering, a thought popped into my head. I could run away. I could just get on my running clothes, go out for a run, and never come back... I could. That lady in Pennsylvania did it. She dropped her kids off at school and then sat at the park, probably considering her life up to that point. Then she met a group of hobos heading to sunny Florida and thought, that sounds great, and went with them. Ten years later, she resurfaces. Hmmm....



Before you all go calling Doug about his wife snapping, or child services because I yell fuzzy logic at my kids about not yelling, don't worry. I'm not really going to leave. But looking out the window and knowing that I could was a thought worth entertaining, even if just for the duration of the oatmeal mess removal. It's just been that kind of weekend.

On another note, I am so very very happy to have a baby who is on the growth charts! Asher is officially 17 lbs 5 ounces, which puts him in the 46th% for his weight (up from .43rd%), and I forgot his height but he was in the 30th% for that (up from the 5th%). He has gained 6 lbs in the past two months. Incredible, I know. This is directly related to the decrease in my nursing him, which makes me sad on so many levels. I have come to the conclusion, based on my experiences with my other children and research provided by Doug, that I cannot produce enough milk for my babies, and the milk I do produce is skim milk at best, not fatty at all. Now stop right there, I know what some of you are thinking because I have thought the EXACT same things about myself for four children. She's not trying hard enough. She's not nursing enough. Has she tried pumping? Skin to skin? Cluster feeding? Block feedings? Has she tried seeing a lactation consultant? Has she taken any supplements? She must not be doing it right. And my reply to you all who might be thinking any of things is....not kind. Let's just say that I have done EVERYTHING to get my milk supply to work, to get my babies nice and fat, and to be the breast feeding woman I long to be, but I can't. I've taken so much Fenugreek that anymore might be toxic to my system and I reeked of maple syrup extract for weeks. The only thing that makes my babies fat is formula, as Asher is proof of. And it breaks my heart. It's not that formula is bad. Science, thank goodness, has made something remarkable for our babies to survive and thrive on when a mother needs it. My heart is broken because I wanted to succeed so badly at nursing, and I tried so hard, harder than anyone I know. And it still didn't work. But I've started to turn a corner, and I will not feel bad about bottle feeding my baby. And I will not listen to any well meaning advice from anyone who wants to try and "help" me. That means you WIC lady who sympathetically ignored me when I presented the evidence of my body's failure to lactate properly and insisted I call the nursing hotline to get some "tips". I'm mostly upset that NO ONE told me that this was a thing that actually happened to women. The lactation consultant I visited after Evelynn was born insisted that I was just doing things wrong, even though I had been nursing for days and nights almost constantly, pumping until my nipples bled, and crying and crying and crying that I couldn't feed my hungry baby. No one ever mentioned that I might just not be able to make enough milk, so I should just feed my baby however I could until we figured it out, and it would be OK either way! So to anyone in the world who reads this and has given breast feeding a shot and failed, I'm here for you. Let it all out. Cry with me, and then give your baby the nutrition they need and kick anyone in the face who gives you crap for it. I'm right there with you. End of rant.

Let's get back to the happy note. Asher is awesome. He's so happy all the time. He's a great sleeper (waking up once, maybe, and then going right back to sleep) and loves being played with by anyone. No stranger danger here! His attitude is, "You're smiling at me? That means you want to play! Hold me! Love me! I Love Love Love it!" Isn't that great? I think it's great. I have a cue of women lined up in Relief Society who also think it's great, which means I haven't been in charge of my baby for most of church in months. Someone comes and scoops him up, sometimes as early as before sacrament meeting, and then returns him after church is over. It's lovely.

So, four kids. Yep.

I was thinking the other day about all the things I don't have time for anymore, and thinking if maybe I should make some of them more of a priority.

Keeping my hair in a style--It's getting a little out of control. But... I'm struggling between letting it get hippe long or cutting it off. I know which one Doug would prefer. :)

Cleaning my bathrooms regularly--To be fair, I have three, which is a big job in itself. I think I need to redefine what "regularly" is. Every two months? Sounds doable.

Mopping the floor--Let's just say that spot cleaning with rags is now the norm.

Blogging--Well, we all know how much of a priority that is.

Styling my girls hair--Luckily Evelynn can mostly brush her own hair, but I haven't styled their hair regularly in a long time. I don't think they're very upset about this.

Cleaning the windows--Ha ha ha.

Sleeping--Doug would say I get plenty of sleep since Asher sleeps mostly through the night. I beg to differ. If you sleep and wake up tired for almost eight years, you need more sleep.

Evelynn made her internet sensation debut on Kid History for Mother's Day this year. It certainly pays to visit teach someone related to the Kid History team. Well, it doesn't actually pay, but it's still pretty cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA-WHYGWv2k

One last random thing. Michael got in trouble yesterday because he stole Asher's pacifier and began using it, which is a strict no no. I took it away from him, and he got upset. So with arms crossed, faced pouted, and foot stomped, he said the meanest thing he knows how to say to me.

"Mom, I am NOT playing with you any more."

I hope he's not serious.

Ok, baby is awake. See you in six months.